I have a hard head but I am not a rhino

According to The Onion not only have I moved to Washington to be the President’s pet, but I’ve also skipped genus (or is it class or order – I’m still just a dog.  A ChaunceyDogTM and Chauncey-RooTM product, and The Most Interesting Dog In The World^XX, but still a dog) to become a RHINOCEROS.

Text of my note to the editor:

Dear Publisher Emeritus T. Herman Zweibel (look it up):

A recent article professed to state that I, as the only referenceable celebrity named Chauncey in the US and covered territories, have become a mere house pet.  In Washingon.  As a rhinoceros.

This article is defamatory.  And incorrect, to boot.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear (that’s the same president, right…I have problems with time, since…stay with me…I’M A RHINOCEROS wait – DOG, yeah, DOG).  I am not now, nor have I ever been a member of the rhinoceros party.

It is true that some rooms I’ve “redecorated” have looked like a rhino went  through them, and I’ve had some veterinarians make disparaging remarks about my weight.  It is also true that I have a large tusk sticking out of my head.  Wait, no it’s not…   I am confident that you heard about these incidents, took some “creative liberty” with the facts, and – bang – I’m a rhinoceros.

I’m here to tell you that as the purveyor of news that is the primary source for current events for over 70% of Americans, you have a higher responsibility to the truth.  I expect you to hold to your own high standards. 

Always remember – If Chewbacca doesn’t make any sense, you must retract!

An immediate correction or retraction is required.  If not, I will take every option available to me through LegalZoom.com to remedy this situation.  I’m sure neither of us want that.

Respectfully,

Herr Dr. Prof. Chauncey Roo

PS – you can make this all of this magically disappear with an SEIU-sized hunk of stimulus money diverted (and converted to dog biscuits) into my Swiss bank account.  Actually, it’s more a hole in the bank of the Chicago river.  Call me for details…

Arf

Blah, blah, back in Chicago, blah, blah 60 hour car ride, blah, blah, thunderstorms and lightning making me piddle in the pan in my cage blah, blah, Blahck Blawks…  BACK OFF - Got a lot on my mind…  and......wait for it......     SHUT UP, MEG!

Hat tip to NOBODY – I do MY OWN research, plus, no one likes a Charlie in the box J