To all a good night, already...

I hate vacation time.  Everyone’s always around the house lately.  I can’t get my regular job done, or find some peace and quiet to just collect my thoughts, let alone scratch my butt and avoid being run over by R/C cars.  …I can only choose one…

So anyway – big paws-up to the thousands of you who’ve been sending cards and notes of sympathy about how badly I’ve been treated, especially in this normally festive of holiday seasons, but I have to single out two people in particular for whom I will always wag a little faster whenever I think of them.

First of all, who is this Claws guy?  I’d spent a month staking out the various places a robber with big claws could gain entry to the house (I figured this is where the term “Cat Burglar” started).  The big night comes, and, nothing!  I did my last rounds about 11 or 11:15.  The kids were down, the bigs were still up (with a fire – it’s still scary, but it is warm…).  I never know when they finally go to sleep, so I figured I’d catch a little nap while they were up.  Couldn’t have been asleep more than 15 min (I swear!), and when I went upstairs there were millions of beautiful presents around the tree.  I think I got some salt in my eye, or something, when I saw it…  Plus, there was even a stocking with a ‘C’ on it for me!!  There was a giant Dingo candy cane in it, and a giant rawhide bone bigger than my whole body. 

Claws – I don’t know how you got past me, but, well played, and thank you again.

Finally, apparently I have a kennel in Florida that’s watching my back – Let’s just say I got a secret note from a remote outpost – if things get too bad here, maybe I can cheese it down there for a while.  You know that people who send gourmet dog treats (in Chinese take out boxes so the stupid humans don’t get wise) have never starved a dog.  I’m sure the treats (yeah, and the note) will keep me going throughout this long cold winter.

(Secret coded message: Istine-Cray: anks-thay or-fay the eats-tray.  Ou-yay ock-ray).  HEY - Whatever you do, don't highlight the secret message and STOP trying to figure it out!  It isn’t for you and my mad crypto skills will only make your tiny brain hurt.

What, you ask, nothing else about the family??  FEH on the family.  They drove me to this blog, didn’t they?  They stopped feeding me, didn’t they?  They terrorized me with their loud, fast toys, didn’t they?   If it weren’t for the little things – the kids were very cute in their Blackhawk jerseys, the tree (and the fireplace, too) is starting to grow on me a little, and it was nice to see the big ones relax and have some fun this weekend - I might start to think cats were right all along…

Thanks to Jay, for making a wonderful dinner (even though all I could do was smell it), and to Jennifer for not hitting me too hard (hey – you’re new, it’s MY house – I get to sniff J). 

Merry Christmas to everyone in and around my family.

Arf.

....weak...with....hunger....

...i'll try to stay focused long enough to get this post out....if I pass out, please send help...

Last Thursday was Thanksgiving, which we all know is an annual holiday for giving thanks for the dogs in your life.  All that turkey and gravy and potatoes get tested for poison at the big table, and work their way down to my dish.  It's a tradition.

Not this year.

I've been living through one of the most cruel and vile events ever to occur to a dog.  I've been biting my leg a little - nothing serious (I'm a dog, remember??), but the girl started freaking out - so she scheduled a visit to the vet on Friday, after they came back from their little dinner trip on Thursday with mountains of leftovers in tow.

I get into the vet's office, little Bark Rarve statue - I figure everything's cool.  I kid you not - the first words out of her lying mouth are "My Goddd.  Look how fat that dog is.  Oh-my-goodness, I don't think we all can fit in the same examining room."  And it begins.

We left there with a mountain of pills and wipes and salves all meant to trim me down to size.  That would have been OK, but the final killer edicts were "A little more tea.  Cut down on the rice." which roughly translates to "cut the food in his dish in half, no human food, and no treats except for things you know he won't eat, like carrots or beans".  As a practical matter, this means NO turkey, NO stuffing, NO gravy, NO NOTHING.   Dear God - is this how you repay my loyalty...  It's only been a few days, and I've wasted away to nothing...well...almost nothing...

...getting faint, will try to post more soon...send help (AND FOOD) if you can...mother, is that you??.....

...Arf...